In and out of The Word

I didn’t get in the Word last week as much as I usually do. I can totally tell. My heart was much more willing to sin last night because it had not been impacted by God’s Word enough last week. Instead of doing devos last week I would excuse myself because I was too tired. This was a big mistake. Even when I’m just reading the Old Testement (which is what I’m doing now) the Lord is feeding me. If I don’t get my daily dose of seeing his grace and mercy and justice in the OT then I don’t see those things in my life.
Last night I was planning on going to Vespars and then hanging out with friends. My mom came in my room and told me I couldn’t do either of those things because I sounded sick. I couldn’t believe it. I told her that I had lost my voice and that I was getting over being sick so I would be fine. I would be fine with going to Vespars and hanging out. She said that that was not a good idea. So with much anger and anguish I obeyed. As I sat in my bed trying to figure out why my mom wouldn’t let me go God showed me some major sin in my life.
The lack of Bible reading in my life caused me to be much more willing to be angry with my mom and not care. You have to understand I hate being angry with my mom. She is like my best friend. I tell her everything and if I’m mad at her than I won’t talk to her.
I tried so hard to figure out the good in this terrible situation. The terrible situation being that I couldn’t be with my friends. I was so angry. I sat in my bed asking the Lord to forgive me for my ridiculous anger at my mom. She was worried about my health; she didn’t hate me and my friends and want me to stay because of that. She wants me to be better so I can hang out. What an awesome mercy that is, but I did not se it that way. I prayed the Lord would help me see it that way.
I still had one chapter left to read in one of my assignments, so I asked the Lord to use what I was about to read to convict me. Just to let you know if you pray something like that God is going to answer yes because he wants you to see your sin and his mercy. I was reading The Confessions by St. Augustine. This guy is the most humble guy in the world. He spills his whole life to the whole world in a confession to God of the work that He did and the mercy in his life. He confesses disgusting sin, and I wanted God to use that somehow to convict me. He did.
Qualifiers for you to understand this:
• Lost voice…couldn’t talk good
• Anger at mom for keeping me home
• Hadn’t read the Bible enough in the last week
I believe God used the following quotes to show me my sins and lead me to confession last night:

“It happened by coincidence that in that same summer my lungs had begun to fail under the severe strain of teaching, making it difficult for me to draw breath and giving proof of their unhealthy condition by pains in my chest. My tone was husky and I could not manage any sustained vocal effort. These symptoms had worried me when they first appeared because they were forcing upon me the necessity of either giving up my professional career or, if there was any prospect of my being cured and recovering strength, at least of taking some rest.”

“Then I read, Let your anger deter you from sin, and how those words moved me, my God! I had already learned to feel for my past sins an anger with myself that would hold me back from sinning again. With good reason had I learned this anger, since it was no alien nature from a tribe of darkness that had been sinning through me, as they maintain who, though not angry with themselves, are accumulating a fund of anger that will overwhelm them on the day of anger, the day when your righteous judgment is to be revealed.”

“But by adding to that modest allowance daily modest allowances—for one who allows himself license in little things is ruined little by little—she had fallen at length into the habit of avidly quaffing near goblets of wine.”

He couldn’t talk so he rested. I couldn’t talk so my mom told me to rest. His anger was holy anger toward his sin. My anger was not holy anger and it was not preventing me from sinning, but in fact it was causing me to sin more. He told of story of a girl allowing herself to drink a little wine and then becoming a drunkard. I allowed myself time away from the Bible and then became okay with sinning.
God is rich in mercy. Even when I was doing homework he used it for his glory and my humility. I repented for my anger towards my mom. He revealed the good in this terrible situation. Mom wants me to be healthy, I needed to get in the Word, I needed to be convicted for my sins. God is good all the time.

Developing Holy anger at my sin,
Greta